Queer Parentcore: the fashion trend we've been waiting for (thanks Balenciaga)
Plus: Helicopter parenting, first friendships and the the perfect response to homophobic kids
How do our own experiences of being children affect us as parents? It’s a question I’ve been asking myself a lot recently as my daughter navigates starting school and those fickle first friendships. I can remember so clearly the comfort of having an official Best Friend at primary school. I can’t quite recall how it happened but certainly by the end of Reception, me and Clare T were inseparable. There was a mean girl in our class, whose full name I of course also remember but won’t mention here as I’m sure she’s now a perfectly nice adult (or is she?!), but with Clare next to me, we were untouchable.
Maybe as a nascent queer kid, there’s an extra intensity to friendships. An awareness that this passionate sense of belonging is a form of protection.
By Year One, Clare and I were founding members of The Four Gang, and we welcomed Jessie and Natalie into our fold of friendship. We spent play times embroiled in complex imaginary games such as ‘Bubble Land’ (a fictional city where everything was made of bubbles and I think I was its king), or ‘Teenagers’ where we stood around looking cool and pretending to chew gum - I was always the ‘boyfriend’.
Maybe as a nascent queer kid, there’s an extra intensity to friendships. An awareness that this passionate sense of belonging is a form of protection. Like many LGBTQ children I always felt different but couldn’t articulate why and I knew deeply, that having good friends around me was vital. None of The Four Gang ended up at the same Secondary School as me, but I quickly gravitated to another three people including the absolute key to my survival at Secondary School - my gay best friend Will. With Eve and Amy we were the self-proclaimed ‘Snob Crew’.
This was the era of Ab Fab and Harvey Nicks and It-Girls and as our objectively speaking quite rough school was in a council estate in south east London, we dealt with the bullies by behaving like absolute 14-year-old divas
This was the era of Ab Fab and Harvey Nicks and It-Girls and as our objectively speaking quite rough school was in a council estate in south east London, we dealt with the bullies by behaving like absolute 14-year-old glamazons, bunking off PE to go to Café Rouge (ooh la la) or window shopping on the Kings Road. We thought we were it, even if we couldn’t walk down the corridor at school without one of us being called a boffin, or a battyboy.
Anyway, my point with this little jaunt down memory lane is to say, as I watch E try to make friends and experience the little micro rejections and meltdowns with her classmates in the park after school it triggers something in me. I so desperately want her to have that same forcefield around her that I had with my friendships and I can see myself pushing her into playdates and intervening in arguments when I should probably back off a bit and let her find her own way. I’d love her to befriend other kids with LGBTQ parents and while I can encourage this as best I can, I can’t actually control who she’ll end up bonding with.
Do you have any tips for helping your kid make friends without being a helicopter parent about it?
GOLD STAR FOR YOU
Robbie Pierce, the husband of Advocate Editorial Director Neal Broverman, shared on twitter his truly excellent response to a child repeating homophobia he heard at home.
“A random unattended 7yo at the park told me and my son that gay people are the devil and are going to hell,” Pierce wrote. “My son scoffed, but the boy said it was true because God said so.”
“I told him parents made up God to make their kids do what they want. His eyes got so big.”
In a later tweet, Pierce justified his response: “I’m sorry but if you teach your kids to hate I’m going to teach them to disobey you.”
‘QUEER PARENT’ – THE SS23 FASHION TREND NO ONE EXPECTED
It’s the wardrobe we’ve been waiting for! Demna Gvasalia, the creative director of Balenciaga has basically given queer parents everywhere our mood board for life. In his boundary pushing SS23 show in Paris last week, set in a muddy dystopian playground (we’ve been there!), he created a whole new trend which we are labelling Queer Parentcore. "I hate boxes, I hate labels, and I hate being labeled and placed in a box," the designer stated in the show notes. Oh sorry.
"One needs to have courage and persistence to truly assume their identity and who they really are", Demna continued. Statement accessories included Lays Crisp packets and… babies. Well, those creepy realistic dolls which were dressed in Balenciaga babygrows and carried in Balenciaga branded papooses. “I wanted [to create] this ‘dad person’ that has piercings and wears ballerina shoes and crazy clothes.” We feel so seen. This whole collection is basically us volunteering on the trip to forest school this week.
