Don't let this mistake ruin your family holiday!

Plus: a queer family breakfast at the Van Gogh House / how to live drama-free and big book launch news

Apr 16, 2023

Well, this Easter holiday has not gone to plan. My wife was supposed to be taking our daughter to France for a week to visit the grandparents and I would have some uninterrupted time to work on my novel after holding the fort for a week while she was travelling on business. I’d booked a haircut, a massage, queer nights out with friends and planned blissful quiet days at home writing.

Then THIS happened. And eight hours after I had waved them off on the train to Gatwick, they were back - grumpy, tired and, well, BACK.

Bye bye ‘me time’, hello two weeks of struggling with work and childcare. We had some nice times together of course. Highlights included a trip to see the Ai Wei Wei exhibition at the Design Museum in Kensington (be warned, trying to get a kid not to touch the artworks especially when they involve giant piles of LEGO is not easy) and a performance of Dinosaurs and all that Rubbish at the Greenwich Theatre which was good fun if you have a high tolerance for over the top children’s theatre which inevitably involves audience participation.

And the good news is, after this two week Easter break, I am one margarita away from being a ‘gold’ Pizza Express club member. It reminds me of when I worked for ELLE magazine and was gifted membership of The Groucho, Blacks and Quo Vadis members clubs. Soho was my oyster. But did I get free unlimited dough balls and a guaranteed way to satiate the appetite of a fussy four-year-old? Nope. But I did get to see REDACTED doing coke off a loo seat.

This all got me thinking about how becoming a parent has really helped me relinquish control and go with the flow. Pre kids, when I was a magazine editor brushing shoulders with celebs doing unsavoury things in the bathrooms of Soho members’ clubs (them not me I hasten to add!) I hated it when my plans changed. I think it goes back to being an only child and craving the company of other people. As a kid, and even a teenager, f I’d made an arrangement to see a friend I’d look forward to it for weeks, and on the day I’d wait at the window until they arrived. If someone rearranged or cancelled I’d be devastated.

This followed me into young adulthood and I was someone who took plans very seriously and hated having to cross things out in my meticulously kept Moleskin diary. But from the moment E was born, I’ve had to let that go. If I still got itchy and annoyed anytime we had to pivot a plan, I’d be an emotional wreck by now. The amount of stuff we’ve had to cancel because of illness or lack of sleep or any number of other kid-related reasons! I guess the pandemic also helped me get used to people and events being called off at the last minute.

In the words of the Firebuds (our favourite LGBTQ family inclusive Disney cartoon)

“You gotta bounce back when your plan falls through. Bounce back, dream of something new!”

PS. Check your passport issue date before you travel to Europe!

NEWS FLASH!

Gay pride parade in Budapest — Pride in Budapest 2021

Hungary asks people to report queer families to authorities

Hungary’s government has passed a new law that will allow its citizens to report same-sex families with children to local authorities.

The bill, proposed by Hungarian deputy prime minister Zsolt Semjén in February 2023, could see same-sex families reprimanded for breaching the “constitutionally recognised role of marriage and the family”.

Lawmakers in the central European nation approved legislation this week in further exclusion of LGBTQ+ people.

Italy Violates Human Rights By Refusing Gay Marriage Says ECHR • GCN

Italy still isn’t registering the births of children with queer parents

The European parliament has condemned Italy’s conservative government after it demanded that a council stop registering the children of same-sex parents, in its first move to restrict LGBTQ+ rights since taking power.

MEPs said they feared the move against Milan city council, which until recently had been transcribing children born overseas to same-sex couples via surrogacy or IVF into its civil register, was “part of a broader attack against the LGBTQI+ community in Italy”.

The Milan mayor, Giuseppe Sala, had travelled to Brussels this week to garner support and is seeking to form an alliance made up of opposition parties to fight for the rights of same-sex-parent families.

In an amendment to a 2022 report put forward by Renew Europe, a liberal and centrist group, the MEPs urged Italy to “immediately rescind its decision”, arguing that the move “will inevitably lead to discrimination against not only same-sex couples but also primarily their children” and that it was “a direct breach of children’s rights” under a UN convention.

The government of Giorgia Meloni, whose far-right Brothers of Italy party promised to defend the traditional family, has also tabled a bill that would criminalise couples who go abroad to have children via surrogacy.

Surrogacy is already illegal in Italy, while IVF is only available for heterosexual couples.

Milan was forced to stop registering the children of gay parents after the interior ministry said it was up to the courts to rule on such a decision.

Finally some good news…

The intended parents of a child born to a surrogate should be able to get legal parenthood from the point of its birth, a government-commissioned review of the existing laws in Britain has concluded.

The couple who will raise the child must currently wait at least six weeks to become the legal parents, but in practice they often wait for up to a year to go through the courts.

The Law Commission of England and Wales and the Scottish Law Commission say the effect is that the intended parents cannot make any decisions in respect of the child, including with respect to medical treatment.

They say the existing law, dating back almost 40 years, “does not work in the best interests of any of the people involved”.

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LGBTQ+ Family Meet-Up Next Weekend – See You There!

Combine a little bit a culture with breakfast and a chance to meet other queer families at The Van Gogh House in Brixton, London. Saturday 22nd April 10am – 12pm meet for informal chats over coffee and croissant, with drawing activities provided for children of all ages.

It’s an opportunity to step inside Van Gogh’s London home and to talk about queer families and homemaking.

Co-hosted by parent and artist Ian Giles (@iangiles) with parent and curator Gemma Rolls-Bentley (@gemmarollsbentley). Part of A Clear Comfort, Ian's commission which will culminate in a series of performances and communal meals in June 🏡

Free tickets here.

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We Spoke To The Amazing Relationship Expert Nedra On The Podcast…

Nedra Glover Tawwab joined us last week. Nedra is a New York Times best-selling author, licensed therapist, and sought-after relationship expert. Her new book “Drama Free” is an empowering guide that offers clear advice for identifying dysfunctional family patterns and choosing the best path to breaking the cycle and moving forward. We discuss the drama our respective kids bring, and enjoy some of the therapeutic advice from Nedra! We also discuss the extremes in our lives, from attending Dior parties with robot bartenders, to the joy of sitting alone in a cinema on a wet afternoon.

Nedra's book is called Drama Free: A Guide to Managing Unhealthy Family Relationships.

Listen here . . .

Apple Podcasts

Spotify

Do you want to come to our book launch?

We are offering the first five people to rate and review our podcast on Apple or Spotify an invitation to our swanky book launch at Shangri La The Shard Hotel. Expect free drinks, fun speeches, fab views, tons of queer parents and a special performance from the pink singers. Email us to let us know you’ve left a review. lotteandstu@gmail.com and we will send you all the details.

Jennice Cottle-writer

Apr 18, 2023

I feel you on this! I was determined to be a college graduate by the time my oldest turned 5 years old. She's 15yo, I have a 4yo now, and I just reapplied to school after leaving 12 years ago. I feel like the time is now and if I don't do it, I'll regret it forever. I had to adapt to what was going on in my life as a mom but now parenting is going to have to adapt to me and my goals...WHO TF am I kidding?!😂😂

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