Choosing LGBTQ-friendly Schools
Plus: Fergie Fergalicious, Easter Bunny impressions, Sue Perkins and gay penguins
Eeek! Next week we find out if our daughter gets into the local primary school that we want her to go to. We did a lot of research, which mainly involved reading Ofsted reports, scouring the schools’ websites, and sitting in PE halls on tiny chairs listening to presentations. At each visit, we made a point to ask if there were many other LGBTQ parents with children at the school, and what diversity really meant to them. One head teacher was so flustered by our line of questioning and visibly struggled to say the word ‘gay’. She mumbled something about there being a book about two homosexual penguins in the library.
She mumbled something about there being a book about two homosexual penguins in the library
Only one school referred to LGBTQ anything. On the home page of its website there was a statement that included this line, ‘we welcome gender diversity and the LGBT+ community without exception’.
Sign me up for the cheer team already! The same school also talked about equity instead of equality at the open day and made it very clear that our daughter and her family would be part of a school community that wasn’t afraid to deal with the more challenging intersections of diversity, rather than just colour in a poster that said the word and have someone hold it up in assembly.
For those as yet unfamiliar with the whole ‘choosing a school’ rigmarole - you can put six schools on your application as there’s no guarantee you’ll get your first choice. But my wife - being a Poker player - insisted we went ‘all in’ and only put the name of our one favourite school on our application, as honestly we weren’t convinced any of our other local options would be as queer-family-friendly.
My wife - being a Poker player - insisted we went ‘all in’ and only put the name of our one favourite school on our application
So hence the extra element of anxiety about next week. If she doesn’t get in, we’ll appeal, or else we’ll have to try home schooling her which I understand from my friends who had a go at that over lockdown, is a total breeze.
I can hear Stu laughing hysterically in the wings. He is, as always, reassuring:
“Lotte, I’m sorry but the very concept of you home schooling could be its own reality series. The drama would out do anything seen on TOWIE! I should probably preface my advice by saying, my children actually receive carte blanche when it comes to choosing a school due to their adoption status, so I never experienced the nail-biting wait to find out where they had been allocated. I’m not sure your vision of a rainbow school exists… but imagine the world in which it did…The bake sales would be beyond fabulous, the WhatsApp groups would be a hub of kiki-filled gloriousness and the Christmas performance would rival any Lady Gaga concert.
The WhatsApp groups would be a hub of kiki-filled gloriousness
Perhaps we should start our own academy? I’ll get cracking on the gender-neutral uniforms! But in all seriousness, we have to remember that out of any institution, schools are probably the most far behind in embracing LGBTQ+ subjects thanks to Section 28 which was abolished less than 20 years ago. It has also been less than a year since the new education reforms around family and relationships came into play in primary schools which means schools will include queer people and families within their conversations. So be patient Lot and lead the charge on the change you want to see”.
Thanks Stu!
My expectations are high because I had such a positive school experience (on the whole!). By the time I was in sixth form at my London comprehensive, there were about 12 out gay kids. My best friend told me he was gay in year 8 and each year more of us would follow his lead and peek our heads from the closet. I had a girlfriend in the year below and a big crew of us from school and the Gay Youth Club I went to, would head to Old Compton Street together every weekend.
All I want is for my daughter to make the kind of friendships I did and feel as able to be herself, because it’s that more than any curriculum that set me up for a good and happy adulthood.
We would love to hear your experiences of being an LGBTQ parent or carer at the school gates. Has your child ever experienced bullying because they have two mums or Dads, do you feel ostracised by the cis-het parents? Or do you have a positive story to share? Please leave a comment below.
GOLD STAR!
This week’s gold star goes to Heartstopper, a new school-based six part series that hits Netflix on Friday. Disclaimer that I, Stu!, worked on the series when it filmed last Spring but I’m not being biased when I say how fabulous it is, the five star reviews can speak for themselves. It gets our Gay to Ze gold star for being one of the most joyous, pure and delightful LGBTQ+ teen dramas to have ever hit screens.
It’s one of the most joyous, pure and delightful LGBTQ+ teen dramas to have ever hit screens
Based on the YA graphic novels by the uber talented Alice Oseman (who also expertly navigated the series as showrunner and scriptwriter), the show follows gay teen Charlie Spring who falls head over heels for Nick, Truham school’s popular rugby hunk, and we get to witness their relationship blossom. What really makes this show special is the diverse range of characters that live in the Heartstopper world including Charlie’s friend Elle who has recently come out as trans and made the move to the local girls’ school, where she also meets lesbian teen couple Tara and Darcy. Elle is played by Yaz Finney who is set for super stardom and is one of few young trans actresses of colour. Whilst Heartstopper does touch on subjects such as school bullying, mental health, self-identity confusion and coming out anxiety the show is notable for not being based on trauma, something which often weighs down queer narratives on screen. It’s about romance, friendship and the butterflies you get when falling in love for the first time. I remember reading the first book and the poignancy of Alice’s depiction of young, queer love hitting me right in the tummy. I’m so happy for all in involved and excited for the world to fall in love with these characters. Don’t miss it!
TIME OUT!
We would send the Catholic state school in south London that banned a visit by a gay author, directly to the headteacher’s office for a serious telling off – if it wasn’t for the fact that this silly decision was probably made there. Anyway, far more effective punishment is the fact that teachers at the school have, as of last Thursday, voted to go on strike. Members of the National Education Union at John Fisher School in Croydon voted overwhelmingly to take industrial action after Southwark Archdiocese cancelled a visit by Simon James Green, whose books for young adults feature gay characters. The union said it would “not stand by and watch those who identify as LGBT+ be singled out for adverse and degrading treatment”.
The union said it would “not stand by and watch those who identify as LGBT+ be singled out for adverse and degrading treatment”.
Green had been invited to the school for World Book Day in March for a talk and book signing, but a few days beforehand, the Education Commission of Southwark Archdiocese published a statement saying it had recommended the school’s leadership cancel the visit, because it fell “outside the scope of what is permissible in a Catholic school”.
The strike is due to take place over a three-week period starting on 28 April, with teachers set to walk out for six days in total. Needless to say, they have our support.
EMERGENCY PSA!
Last Easter Lotte made the mistake of doing an impression of the Easter Bunny as a kind-of Dickensian cockney. Her daughter has insisted she continue playing this character throughout the year and has for the past 365 days needed to “Ask the Easter Bunny a question” at least once a day - which involves Lotte shouting things about her love for carrots and ability to hop really high in a booming Dick Van Dyke voice wherever they happen to be (usually in public).
So if any of you made the mistake of going full method with the Easter Bunny this weekend – you may live to regret it.
HOT OR NOT? … according to our kids
HOT
‘G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S’ by Fergie Fergilicious. On repeat in the Jeffs household (blame the parents)
Kissing things in museums – Stu’s middle son had to be dragged away from a creepy evacuee doll he insisted on trying to smooch
Easter eggs for breakfast
Sue Perkins reading Pirate Mums by Jodie Lancet-Grant on Cbeebies Bedtime Stories (finally something we can all enjoy)
NOT
Sleeping: these lighter evenings are not fooling anyone that 7pm is a reasonable bedtime
We hope you have enjoyed this issue of From Gay-Ze. Please let us know what you would like to see more of in these weekly missives so we can make sure you continue to subscribe. We received some lovely feedback last week and it greatly satiated our constant gay need for validation. So thank you.
Ps. Lotte hasn’t a clue where she got it from, but her daughter has started saying: “It’s a FASHION NO NO.” What are the campest things your kids say? We love to see it !
