Big Queer Parent Energy...
Backstage with Harry Styles and a baby in NYC/ the maternal myth/ HIV and fertility
Ooof, New York is brutal. I’ve been here a week and have walked an average of 10 miles a day, had an old man gob right in front of me on the street, stepped in trash, got stuck in the turnstile on the Subway with my suitcase and had to be rescued, had a train door slam in my face, and almost been run over by a school bus (twice).
“Because that’s what you do here, you just keep moving.”
BUT I love this city, and how it forces you to access the toughest part of yourself yet still have a sense of humour about it all. “What d’ya want me to do?!” the old man whose phlegm narrowly missed my new trainers shouted at me when I registered my disgust. “You’ve got to be kidding me!” I shouted back, before powering on, at pace, through the crowds. Because that’s what you do here, you just keep moving.
I have huge respect for the parents of this city who traverse the subways with its sweltering hot platforms and lack of elevators. They push their buggies, swerving in and out of the throngs of people on the street as they march across town. I don’t think you could be precious or over- protective with a kid in New York even if you wanted to be.
I’ve been in the city on my own for a week researching and writing my novel, part of which is set here. It’s been a super fun child-free few days, but my parental instinct has been satiated thanks to hanging out with my friend and her two-year-old. Everywhere I went with my friend who is a cis-het woman and her kid, we were treated as a family.
“I must give off big ‘queer parent’ energy”
People would tell me how cute my daughter was, ask me her age and tell me to enjoy it as time goes so quickly etc, even when her actual mother was the one carrying her. I love that I must give off big ‘queer parent’ energy, and also that two-mum families have entered the mainstream consciousness of the city so much so that reverse assumptions are made for a change.
We took the toddler to Harry Styles’ final show at Maddison Square Gardens because my friend’s partner is involved in the production. Backstage and in the VIP area, where we were watching the show with Madonna, Drew Barrymore and Olivia Wilde…